Dear Mr. Pastor Apostle Paul,
It has come to my attention that a situation has arisen in your congregation in Corinth. A portion of your letter was passed along, which greatly troubled me. As you may know, I am a professional consultant with APCG (Abuse Prevention Counselors of Greece), and your recent letter indicates that you are grossly undertrained for the situations you are facing there. Remember, you are only a pastor and not a trained and professional counselor like me, which is clearly demonstrated by the number of framed papyrus certificates hanging in my office.
One of the more egregious examples of your pastoral blundering can be seen for example, where you wrote, “Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. So brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God” (1 Cor. 7:21-24).
“Do not be concerned about it?” Holy Herodotus! My dear brother, this is heinous, vile, disgusting, evil, and wicked. Under no circumstances should victims be told not to be concerned about their abuse. Sadly, your rhetoric here is what I’ve come to expect from Christian pastors who lack the requisite training in these highly complex matters, but suffice it to say that you’re running counter to all of the latest studies and best practices known in the Hellenistic world today. What you have written may have been considered “reasonable” advice centuries ago, but we now know that slaves are victims of exploitation, manipulation, violence, angry outbursts, and low self-esteem.
The first rule of abuse prevention is that you must always side with anyone who claims to be a victim over against anyone accused of abuse. Trained and professional abuse prevention counselors like myself don’t need outmoded methods of investigation, witnesses, or due process, and therefore my rule of thumb is to immediately assume the worst based on the testimony of anybody, and then you can always pick up the pieces later. Suspected abusers should be immediately and explicitly condemned, rebuked, and in no uncertain terms consigned to the lowest pit of Hades. Let’s face it: they probably did it and if they didn’t, they probably did something else bad at some point. Original sin and all that. There’s no need to give second thought to this. Take the knives away and due process later, that’s what I always say.
The second rule is that you must never (under any circumstances) say or write anything that might give anyone who claims to be a victim the impression that their situation is tolerable. When you wrote, “a slave is the freedman of the Lord” and “in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God,” you were (unwittingly, no doubt) feeding the psychosis of slavery and confusing victims of slavery about whether they should seek freedom or not. This is absolutely disgusting, Mr. Pastor Apostle Paul. Not only this, your careless rhetoric leaves room for slave owners to believe that they have the right to own other human beings and control them. This is pure evil. What were you thinking? I suspect that you weren’t thinking at all about the ramifications of your rhetoric. How could you? Do you even have letters after your name like I do? What if by some masterpiece of disaster, your letter were to be read by future generations of Christians? What kind of poison have you unleashed on the Church? Can’t you see how unqualified and untrained you are for this work?
I urge you to immediately and publicly apologize and write a complete retraction of your letter to the Corinthians (citing me and my ministry in order to demonstrate your true repentance) or else I will be forced to conclude that you are determined to harbor abusers in your midst and I will start sending passive aggressive smoke signals to all my colleagues around the Mediterranean about your so-called “ministry.” From now on, I would urge you to run all of your “letters” by me or at least some random Roman journalist before sending them, as you are clearly way out of your league. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that?slave owners in Corinth are some of your biggest financial supporters. You must be under tremendous pressure to keep them happy with you. This is a common challenge in the churches of God, but this is why I started APCG to harm help people like you.
I offer this professional advice free of charge. First consultations are always free. But let me know if I can be of further help. I would be glad to come to Corinth to clean up your mess and sort through everything for you. Again, I’m a professional. Did I mention that I was certified by Little Caesar’s Counseling Accreditors of the Aegean? My fees are very reasonable.
Most humbly and sincerely,
Lamoz Bigwigian, VCPAC* APCG**
*Very Certified Professional Abuse Consultant
**Abuse Prevention Counselors of Greece
Photo by Giammarco Boscaro on Unsplash
James says
Yikes Toby. What did Boz Tchividjan say to make you so spitting mad?
Brian Marr says
Hey Toby, thanks for the post. Just a clarifying question: when you are satirizing the usual pretensions of the “experts” that boast in their training and certification, I take it you are attacking the state of the field of psychology in general, with its therapeutic and materialist assumptions, not genuine training that actually helps deal with the skinny branch difficult cases. I am mainly thinking of sexual abuse, which is so central to our being that to be violated there can really mess with us deeply and profoundly, and thus requires extra wisdom and training to deal with. If it happens to an unbelieving child, for instance, you get all sorts of complexities that seem to me to require more than average pastoral skills. I look forward to hearing your talk at the Grace Agenda!
Toby says
Brian, thanks for the question. Yes, the main target is the state of the field of psychology in general, but I would also include the pretensions of modern specialists, particularly those who claim expertise in the area of sexual abuse. I have no problem with actual science — I’m a big fan in fact, but much of what passes as “science” are various God-hating ideologies masquerading as “science.” I also reject the idea that wise and godly men trained in the Scriptures (ie. pastors) are inadequate for dealing with the complexities of childhood sexual abuse. Our “average pastoral skills” are more a reflection of the appalling state of the modern church than the standards of excellence and wisdom God actually calls his shepherds to meet. I hope that helps some. Blessings, Brian.
Katie Marshall says
Just stumbling on your post here. It sounds like a pretty complicated situation behind your satire. You say you believe in science, yet you make a joke out of an entire field. What do toy really want to express here?
Anon says
You need to bake yourself a big ole humble pie and consider that maybe, just maybe, someone else knows more about science, psychology, and abuse situations than you do. Do some research, read and respect the many Christians who say you’re in the wrong, and take some time off from this topic.
Fellow Moscow Christian says
Toby,
How can a Christian, even more, how can a pastor ,write something so blatantly bitter and angry about a field you obviously don’t want to know about, or care to know about when in fact, along with spiritual guidance, psychology is KEY to these people recovering from terrible atrocities that have happened to them. Something that may be small to you could be monumentally terrible to another person. As a pastor I would think you would be more sensitive to something as serious as this.
I say, yes, listen to every single complaint, accusation, fear, and story of past trauma that comes up and comes your way. Even if you don’t personally believe it. instead of making fun of it, why not make your church a church where those who feel abused can go to be listened to? To feel SAFE? Not shrugged off and dismissed as overly dramatic.
Toby says
As I wrote elsewhere: the reason this sort of thing needs to be said and written is because there’s an exploding victim-fleecing industry currently making its living off the backs of the afflicted. True science is just submission to the way God made the world. I have no quarrel with true science. But much of so-called “science” (including psychology) begins with the presupposition that God’s Word (the Bible) is useless, arcane, and (at worst) actually harmful. I’m a pastor, and God has called me to do everything I can to protect His sheep from those sorts of lies. It is precisely because I love the sheep that I won’t stand by and watch while real victims are re-victimized under the guise of help and healing. True healing is found in submission to God’s word not in the arrogant posturing that often passes for “Christian counseling.” Blessings,
Michelle says
Toby,
My heart breaks for the church and for those who are shamed into silence by this type of manipulitve and condescending talk. This is certainly not reflective of the way God treats victims of abuse throughout scripture. Your work of belittling those who wish to seek justice and free the oppressed is disheartening. If there is life in Christ I am certain it doesn’t resemble this. Please consider the impact your words have on so many and stop using them to perpetuate a system of abuse and oppression.
Nancy says
Toby,
Your offering here seems linked to some heartbreaking cases of egregious sin your church once faced. This style of writing, unfortunately reads as passive aggression, and seems to be a pattern seen in key people involved in CREC, especially those from Moscow, Idaho. There seems to be a strong desire birthed in that particular group, to mockingly write in ways that mimic real life stories of abuse. It’s not the most winsome or Christlike approach to discussing what transpired there, if humility and a lack of repelling arrogance is desired. Here’s some thought regarding your having said, “The first rule of abuse prevention is that you must alway side with anyone who claims to be a victim over against anyone accused of abuse.” Do you suppose when the victim was a child, and the accused was a decade-ish older, greater care should be taken toward the victim then when, say, two drunk 20 somethings engage foolishly and sinfully with one another and the outcome is rape? Or do you regard all cases of sexual abuse to be the same? Do you seriously believe any ounce of credibility should be given to a man of 23-24 years who admits to having ever sexually engaged with a child of 13-15 no matter his chosen “justifications” and explanations? I mean, is there ANY reason to believe the portrayal coming from any man who would ongoingly sexually engage with a child and keep that secret? Is such a person to be believed concerning his words of explanation which would minimize his sinful choice? When I look at CREC in Moscow Idaho, and the responses from each unrepentant unremorseful leader close to the sexual abuse situations which went on there, I am seriously concerned over the lack of discernment stemming as the fruit of the ministry ongoing in the Douglas Wilson camp. Such a large group of concerned conservative Christians are praying and hoping that one day humility, admission, and public apology will come from Douglas Wilson and anyone else who has defended and supported the poor leadership and erroneous judgement that has brought such a stain to Doug Wilson and his Moscow Idaho institutions. It was such a relief to read of Peter Leithart’s public apology when he chose humility and confession. Douglas Wilson should follow that rightful example.
Reality says
I wonder what Paul would say upon reading this? I believe he would say that there is a rampant issue with pride that goes unchecked in the pastors because they are incapable of uttering 2 words: ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I failed’. It is not for nothing that Mr. Wilson has been nicknamed ‘Pope Doug’, and that is because he has set himself up as infallible. I believe that Paul would also say that though some pastors are equipped to deal with abuse (and do so incredibly well) however, neither you or Doug have proven themselves remotely capable of doing so.