Dear Friend,
As you have no doubt noticed, many of your Pro-Life friends and family members have been on an anti-abortion jag in recent weeks with the release of the Planned Parenthood sting videos. I realize that all the shared articles and hashtags and retweets may seem to you like an enormous wave of hate and judgment, so I wanted to take a minute to try to explain to you why we are doing this and why we do not hate you.
First, even though I am not a woman and my wife and I have never had an abortion, we have been asked by doctors to consider aborting one of our children, and we have faced complicated pregnancies. But regardless, I hope you will still receive this letter as an honest and genuine attempt to communicate, despite our apparent differences. I hope you can receive these words as coming from a fellow human being who is not perfect, has made innumerable mistakes, and I hope you can hear these words as coming from a heart of true compassion for the horrific circumstances many women have faced and endured that brought them to the point of terminating their pregnancy.
Second, and related that last point, I want to explain what the Bible says about sin. I’m a Christian Pastor so it’s pretty much inescapable to get a letter from me that doesn’t have some reference to God or the Bible or Jesus. I hope you can roll with that even if it doesn’t make sense or seem helpful. The Bible says that sin is any choice we make that turns us away from God and His goodness. God made us and gave us this world and intended for us to enjoy Him and all good things, but every one of us has turned away and gone our own way. And it turns out that this turning away is like choosing the wrong slide, the wrong parachute. Once we have chosen this path, we can’t unchoose it. And in this sense sin is like a disease, a kind of slavery. That means that part of the insidiousness of sin is that it comes at us and gets into us like an infection, like a parasite, and even though we remain responsible for our own choices, it often feels like we are trapped and we watch ourselves do and say things and somewhere deep down inside there’s another part of us screaming and crying, beating the walls of a prison that won’t let us out. This is why we lie. This is why we cheat. This is why we lust. We are infected with sin. And this is why we can’t stop doing things that harm ourselves and other people. Paul says it like this: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate… For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing” (Rom. 7:15, 19). The main point I want to make here is that every human being understands at some level what it’s like to feel trapped, to feel like there are no other options, and to choose something awful and regrettable.
But the third thing is that this slavery, this trapped feeling is what frequently makes us defensive and angry. When someone posts something condemning something that we have chosen, especially when we chose it under duress, especially when it was a horribly difficult decision — it feels like that pain is being scorned. It feels like we are being judged, attacked, and hated. And this is frequently where we dig in and build brick walls of defensiveness in order to protect ourselves and our broken hearts from another assault. It’s hard enough to live with decisions that you regret, decisions that seemed like the best thing, the only reasonable thing at the time — it’s hard enough without a bunch of religious people reminding you that you murdered your baby. I get that. I hear you. But just for a moment, would you consider a different angle? A different perspective? What if the shots we are firing are not at you? What if what we hate is not you but the prison that is holding you? What if we’re shooting at the shackles on your hands and feet? Please hear this: We are not firing at you. We are not shooting at you. We do not hate you. We do not judge you. We are not attacking you. We are attacking your tormentor. We are shooting at your slave master. We hate the darkness that is crushing you.
And what if we actually understand the slavery of sin more than you think? What if every one of us knows what it’s like to have made awful choices? To choose horrible, ugly, shameful things and to feel trapped, to feel as though there is no way out, no way to change, no way to undo what has been done? I don’t know if you can hear this right now with all the noise all around us. But would you please believe that we have? We have felt that shame, that guilt, that entrapment, that feeling of complete paralysis, powerlessness, hopelessness, despair. Some Christians may pretend that they are perfect people with no struggles, with no problems, with no horrible decisions in their past, but let me tell you that those aren’t real Christians. Jesus didn’t come for them. He didn’t come for the healthy, for the righteous, for the clean. Jesus came for the sick, for the sinners, for the filthy. Jesus said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous but sinners” (Mk. 2:17).
And this is the last thing: we aren’t working up this outrage at Planned Parenthood and all abortion providers because we want you to be more sorry or ashamed. We are in this because we want you to be free. And we have experienced what it’s like to be set free. After you’ve been in a prison for many years, all talk of release or escape seems like a dream, like a hallucination, like a mirage. And sometimes it can seem like good common sense to tell the voices to just shut up, to just go away, to stop talking such damned nonsense. After a while, your can only take so many heartbreaks, you can only take so many let downs. I understand that. It often feels safer to stop feeling, to put up the bars, to lock the door of your soul and stop letting anything in there where it only hurts and aches. I know.
But let me ask you to try one more time. What if the voices aren’t just in your head? What if there’s a jailbreak in process right now? What if all this posting, this article sharing, this hashtagging is actually a huge crowd of freed prisoners banging on your cell announcing that there is a way out? What if a Hero has arrived who has the power to free us all, to set us all free, to wash us clean, to undo the past, and to give us a completely new beginning?
We’re here to tell you that He has. And His name is Jesus. He suffered, bled, and died for all of us and all our sins. He suffered so that we might all go free. And there is no sin so awful, so sick, so perverse that His blood cannot wash you clean.
You are not alone. You are not the only one. Many women who have had abortions have found forgiveness and healing. Many Christians who have had abortions have found grace.
We’re not at war with women. We’re not at war with honest, life-giving health care. We’re at war with the darkness that has settled over our nation. And we are at war with it because we love the Light, because we love you, because we believe in life, because we believe in grace, because we believe in hope. We believe in a better future for you, for our children, and for the whole world.
That’s what this is all about. I hope you can hear that. And even if you still don’t agree with me, I hope you’ll at least think about it the next time you see another post from one of us.
Love in Christ,
Pastor Toby Sumpter
P.S. If you or someone you know would like to talk more about any of this, I am more than happy to talk further with you. You can use the contact form on this blog or find me on Facebook or Twitter. Numerous post-abortion ministries exist that may also help you find healing. Thank you for reading, and may God bless you.
Elizabeth says
This was so beautifully put. Written with much compassion. I use to tell my children a story about a woman who became a Christian after she aborted her baby, and she ended marrying a minister, and was blessed with twins afterward. Okay, thought I’d share this. I can see planned parenthood from where I’m sitting ….noticed the lights on…they want to be open for business. #defundpp.
Jack Bradley says
So very Amen.
Derek says
Thank you very much for your leadership and heart on this issue and for, primarily, our sisters and children who are suffering.
Kirsten Miller says
Thank you. This is a very accurate telling of what is in our hearts and the promise of the Gospel.
Deb says
Beautifully explained and full of love.
Donna Schnaath says
Great article! Well said Pastor!
Janelle says
Firstly,
I do appreciate the fact that you are trying to understand these women.
but all in all, your are not a women, and like you said, you have never been in the situation in which you were thinking about getting an abortion.
It is offensive to me that you would want women to seek forgiveness. Maybe, you should look at these stories through a different perspective. maybe the women who have had abortions, have freed themselves from a life of possible financial trouble and depression. There is clear evidence that legal abortions are linked to lower crime rates in cities, because often times it is poor, uneducated women who are put into the situation of getting an abortion.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legalized_abortion_and_crime_effect
In a perfect world, maybe all women who feel the need to get an abortion would have a church to turn to, or a wealthy family, but this is not the case. So unless there was more programs to help women in hard situations, you will always see abortions.
maybe the jail cell these women feel trapped in comes from societies incredible judgments, most of which come from the religious communities around the world. Other than the ideas of good and bad, often spoon fed to the christian community, there are situation that can occur in a “gray area” where morality is not the only concern.
Emme says
Dear Well Meaning Pastor:
The only people who will understand your post are those who have already received God’s forgiveness.
Most non believers won’t consider quotes from the Bible very relevant. You are right about the defensiveness women who have made the decision to abort feel. Your post made me realize the source of my own sister’s very pro-death stance. I feel so sorry for her and I love her, and I’m not even afraid she will read this because, she won’t, once she see’s the source. She has written people like you off as irrelevant. She considers herself a Christian. But she doesn’t know Jesus’s forgiveness. I’m just saying, you don’t have the correct audience here. We can all say bravo, but you really aren’t reaching the people you claim to want to minister to.
Women were made to be nurturers; there is a strong female desire to nurture. When we go against our nurturing, we turn against that created part of us and deny and even destroy our own being.
Many women who have aborted also feel shame and fear that God will punish them in some way. Whenever something bad happens in their lives, especially a bad outcome connected to their nurturing role, they are willing to believe that it is God’s punishment, (even if they don’t believe in God.)
This is the way of the world. We blame God in some way for the bad, and never credit Him with the good in our lives. This is sin.
What I want you to know is that you really can’t have this discussion with them until they have met God and experienced His compassion poured out on them. We need to pray for these women, many of whom are so strong and talented, that God will set them free.
Come Holy Spirit, please come. Lead a woman into my life that I can minister to, help me to live in such a way that I provoke jealousy in her heart about my relationship with Jesus. Help me show her the freedom that comes to someone who has taken up His yoke. Let this be my dear sister, if it pleases you Lord. Amen.
David says
Very nice indeed! Thank you so much, Pastor Sumpter.
Sprdthewrd says
The message that the Pastor is a consistent message given by all to share with those God puts before us. The forgiveness Jesus offers is to set you free. The only sin that cannot be forgiven is the one that we reject Jesus. He promises that if we seek Him He will surely be found. I have worked at Gospel Rescue Missions as a Pastor many who I meet have huge guilt over the sins they have done against God. I have seen many who have had these sins tear them apart. I have seen those who have had abortions, murdered someone,killed someone by Drunk driving, abandoned there families and many other things.I have also seen many that have accepted Jesus as their personal Savior and have found Peace. Just a note some others have excepted Jesus, been freed from their sin yet still feel guilt . If God has forgiven them, who are they that still or bound by their sin, you are free.)We are all sinners and even as Christians we continue to sin. But when God forgives us He forgives all sin past , present and future. Consider forgiveness in layman’s terms we want to attend a Baseball Game. Someone is giving away free tickets to the game. We have a choice take the ticket and enjoy the game or walk away and miss the game. This seems so simple but that is what the Gospel is . If we truly believe we are sinners and ask Jesus to forgive us He will. God takes over from there. By the way all those involved in abortion are not all women many who have worked as employees, doctors, nurses, office help have been convicted of their sin, sought forgiveness and have moved on. I myself as a young man in my twenties got a young lady pregnant and quickly came up with the cash to pay for the abortion. For many years I felt I had done nothing wrong. Eventually I was convicted of my sin and God forgave me. I will pray for all of you as others have prayed for me.
Cindy Lutz says
I am a woman who’s had abortions. Yes, I had two, not very far apart, 36 years ago, when I was 18. I definitely “should have known better,” but I didn’t. I was a Christian, but the circumstances of my childhood were such that I really felt I was doing the child a favor. . .not that my life was all bad, but it wasn’t great, and combined with words from the Bible like Phil. 1:23 and 2 Cor. 5:8, it just. . .I just didn’t get it. I didn’t understand that my OWN life had value. My mom was pregnant with me when she got married (I am a product of sin, no?) and it seemed like it would have been better for everyone if I’d not been born, and my dad did nothing to dispel that notion. (Famous quote from those years: “There is nothing of worth in you.”)
Despite this, I didn’t want to have an abortion. I wanted to have the baby. I thought the guy would marry me. Theoretically, we were “engaged” but I was too stupid and naive to realize, then, that he probably only had asked me to marry him so I’d give in to sex**, but even so, I didn’t believe sex before marriage was right and I thought that getting birth control would give me “permission” so I didn’t do it, and he refused to use condoms. I was surprised when his response to my pregnancy was, “I’ll pay for half your abortion.” If I’d had more capacity to be disappointed or hurt, I might have. . .been hurt. As it was, it was just one more “proof” that life seriously sucks.
**It’s so cliched it’s almost beyond belief, but I really thought he loved me and wanted to marry me. I really wanted to be loved, I guess.
But I still wouldn’t have had an abortion if ANYONE had offered me any other options. I did confide in an older Christian woman (that I lived with,) who took me to her “wonderful Christian” ob-gyn, but when his nurse told me the result of my pregnancy test, I felt such a wave of disgust and condemnation from her that I had to fight not to kill myself.
I realize that my circumstances don’t matter. I realize that ultimately my decision was selfish. The good news is that God HAS forgiven me (and He’s been much gentler about it than many of His people might imagine He could be.) I have still paid a price, layers of consequences, much of which I’m sure I don’t even realize, but again, as much as God has allowed in my life, He has stood between me and complete destruction, which might include not laying on me as full an awareness of my wrong as some might wish for.
And for the most part, I have not felt. . .condemned. . .during these last few weeks. I have joined the fight; I believe I was deceived by Planned Parenthood (though I will give them credit for being kind to me when I didn’t anticipate kindness from anyone,) and I believe that abortion should not be legal. If it hadn’t been legal, (and easy–very easy to acquire,) I wouldn’t have done it.
But as I continue to read comments, I am finding it harder to withstand. And in the way of Satan, that’s just what he wants, isn’t it? Nail ’em however you can get ’em, and if you can get the “Christians” to do the work, how much better. Get them riled up, get them screaming “Murderer!” and “ANYONE can prevent pregnancy, just don’t have SEX if you’re too stupid to figure out how to get birth control.” And the cycle begins anew, doesn’t it? I mean, yes, it’s my fault, I brought this upon myself, and if I have to fight the voices that hiss, “Why are you even alive?” well, that’s part of what I get to enjoy because I am a murderer.
I guess I’d just ask people to. . .I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t make any difference. Do what you’ve got to do. But maybe be a little cognizant of the fact that even if it’s a wrong decision in any circumstance, abortion, like a lot of other sins, is a symptom of a greater problem.
Thank you for letting me speak.
An independent thinker says
This is well-meant I’m sure, but also precisely illustrates the issues with the abortion/Planned Parenthood debate. Every single argument against abortion depends on religious faith. It is a religious belief that life begins at conception, it is a religious belief that God has anything to do with it, and not everyone shares those beliefs. It is illegal to base public policy in this country on religion. Therefore, it is perfectly within any woman’s legal rights to choose not to become or remain pregnant, and it is a medical decision between her, her doctor, and (if applicable) her partner. Period.
Unless you propose to overthrow the current government and impose a theocracy in its place, perhaps it’s time for pro-life Christians to accept that others occasionally make personal choices we are uncomfortable with, and that those choices affect our lives in no way whatsoever. Evangelize, absolutely, share your love of God, share your way of life, suggest alternatives when you see someone struggling with the choice of carrying vs. terminating a pregnancy – but it is neither your right nor your prerogative to impose any of those things upon the 150,000,000+ women in this country by force of law.
Jen says
Elizabeth, I was that woman. I had an abortion at 16 when I had a three year old. I married that child’s father seven years later and we had twins. He isn’t a minister, but I was in school for youth (teen) ministry until I couldn’t afford tuition. God blesses and forgives, even when I can’t forgive myself.