A friend came by yesterday and pointed me to 2 Samuel 1:26 as a verse that recently caught his attention and caught him off guard a bit. He said it also made for some lively family conversation.
David is lamenting the death of Saul and Jonathan, and he sings: “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; you have been very pleasant to me; your love to me was wonderful, surpassing the love of women.”
My friend pointed out that some people might really make hay with that sort of description. And they do. Isn’t this evidence of David’s homosexual proclivities? Actually, no.
But it did get me thinking about the importance of male friendship and companionship for men. And I don’t mean this in a sappy, sentimental, let’s-all-have-a-group-hug-and-cry-on-each-others’-shoulders sort of male friendship. I don’t think David and Jonathan stared into each others’ eyes and nodded silently as they shared their “struggles” with one another. Gehk.
I think it means broadly that they fought next to each other. They laid down their lives for each other, and sought peace, justice, and goodness together and for one another and their families. And yes they did embrace one another, kissed one another, and laughed, cried, and suffered together and for one another. So even though their friendship wasn’t sappy, it was obviously warm and genuine.
But here’s the point, and actually it’s really a question. Sometimes I talk to men who have a particular sort of string of problems: parents, girls, and frequently theological instability. And often it’s in that order. And it makes good sense to me to drawn the line back to the father-son relationship in particular but then expand that broadly to include other significant men in his life. Often, there is a significant breakdown or deficiency there and then they start having these other problems with mom, girlfriends, church life, school, etc.
And this get’s back to David’s lament: I wonder if David is not merely describing in a poetic way the close friendship he shared with Jonathan. I wonder if there is some sense in which the love of a brother is a foundational sort of love. Obviously, a wife becomes the most important love, the greatest duty of a man, but is there some sense in which the love of a father/brother/friend/pastor/teacher surpasses the love of women in so far as it has a particular way of training a man, grounding a man, establishing a man as a man, preparing him to be a husband?
Writing this makes me want to go back and look at Lewis’s Four Loves because it sort of sounds like something he would say or talk about.
Last thought: another way of defending this idea would be to look at the Trinity. There we have the love of the Father and the Son as foundational and prior to the love of the Son for the world, the Church, His bride. The love of the Father and the Son “surpasses” in some sense the love of Christ for His bride, the Church, in so far as we mean that it was prior to it. But it was that love between the Father and the Son that flowed out into the world in creation and redemption. It was that love that enabled the Son to die for His bride.
So my thesis is that a good husband is a man who knows and has been trained by other good men, fathers and older brothers. That kind of love surpasses the love of women, but that kind of love is also the kind of love that overflows to the love of a woman, a bride.
Ultimately, this love that surpasses the love of women is the love of Christ, the Man. Men must know and love and be known and be loved by that Man in order to love their wives and children faithfully. That love most certainly does surpass the love of women, and without it there can be no faithful love of women. And it cannot come as a surprise that a man who does not know this love would also have difficulties loving all the women in his life: mom, girlfriends, wife, daughters, and the Church.
Valerie (Kyriosity) says
Really good thoughts.
Body Magic says
You really have to go out of your way to rationalize that this doesn't mean they loved each other in a romantic and, yes, sexual way. Mature human sexuality takes many forms, including homosexuality, heterosexuality and bisexuality. You can try all you want to deny that many men love and desire each other, but you're really just blowing hot air in order to reinforce your narrow-minded beliefs, which are based in fear of what you don't understand. Please don't degrade this beautiful ode to romantic love between men by implying it's about anything else. Just grow up and accept it for what it is, a part of God's plan.
Anonymous says
Is it possible that this passage refers to same-sex affection? Is it possible that a person of God was (or can be) a homosexual? Is it a "given" that God hates homosexuality? Is there any room in religious thought that possibly, just possibly, God made homosexuals AS homosexuals? And is there any room in conservative religious thought that maybe everyone should love and accept others just as they are, regardless of whether we understand them or not?
Isn't that the real basis of any type of love?
NavaNahalia says
And Toby
Thanks for the article. It was put together very nicely. Thank you for sharing !
Toby says
Thanks for the comments, Body Magic and Anon (and Valerie!).
I obviously disagree with you, Body. It's actually the other way around. There's a boatload of rationalizing that takes place before anyone can read the Bible and come away with the conclusion that homosexuality is an acceptable expression of love.
And to be clear, I do not deny that many men desire one another sexually. But the Biblical name for that desire is lust and is not love.
Anon, is it possible that David struggled with same-sex temptation? Sure, I'd be willing to grant that possibility. Is is possible that a Christian might have once been a homosexual or continue to fight that sin? Absolutely. Paul says that there were former homosexuals in Corinth (and I assume the same was true in many of the early churches). Your question about there being room for homosexuals in "conservative Christian thought" is where perhaps you don't understand where I'm coming from. The central issue is what does the Bible say? What has God said? He made us male and female, and He knows what His image in us is supposed to look.
And lastly, I emphatically disagree that love should accept others "just as they are." God's love for us does not accept us "just as we are." God loves us "in Christ" and for His commitment to conform us to the image of Christ. I can love a homosexual person for the same reason because I hope and pray that they will forsake their sins and cling to the cross of Jesus for forgiveness. God's love is set on changing us, and that's the basis for any human love.
Amy Townsend says
You are incorrect. Matthew 19:12
Isaiah 56:3
By taking these unfair positions you violate the first arms most important commandment. You deny God by denying what He created. You fail to love your neighbor entirely by failing to even listen. This is s regrettably common misunderstanding among Christians and is resulting in multitudes of otherwise righteous people choosing to stay out of the church. Again you are directly vocally contributing to the exodus from the Christian faith. It is incumbent upon you to always seek to expand your compassion even to those you can’t relate to. You and millions of other Christians need to be fixing this asap.
NavaNahalia says
Hi Amy,
Here is the verse your using..
MATTHEW 19:12
12For there are [c]eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”
This verse is referring to celibacy.
The definition of “ eunuch” from the strongs concordances is G2192; …which reads “castrated person (such being employed in Oriental bed chambers); by extension an impotent or “UNMARRIED MAN”; by implication a chamberlain (state officer): – eunuch.
So I’m not sure how your relating This verse with being gay.
..also, I don’t recall the Bible saying that if we deny what god created then by fault we also deny him.
However the Bible does say in Matthew 10:33
“33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.”
Definition of “Deny”:
1. to state that (something declared or believed to be true) is not true:
2. to refuse to agree.
3. to refuse to recognize or acknowledge.
God said in Leviticus 20:13
13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
And he also said in Leviticus 18:22
22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
So as you can see…the Most High declares that it is an abomination for the same sex to lay with each other.
Definition of abomination:
1. anything abominable; anything greatly disliked or abhorred.
2. a vile, shameful, or detestable action, condition, habit, etc.:
So if God says that laying with the same sex is something that he dislikes…..and you choose to do it…..then your considered shameful In his eyes….why on earth would you DENY him by stating that it’s okay to be gay when the Most High stated that that’s not true…… By claiming that God says that it’s okay to be gay you are refusing to agree with the Most High. And you are refusing to recognize and acknowledge his law and original order.
We all are not perfect…and we all sin…. but please quote the Bible correctly. All it takes is a little reading and a few definition searches. The Lord is not complicated.
I felt the need to write all this because I’m sure there someone dealing with this type of sin and they may not be the type of person that likes to read /look up verses… I don’t want them blindly accepting just anything people say. They deserve the truth so that they can continue their journey with the Lord with grace.
May peace be with you.
And may the Most High open our hearts, and focus our eyes on what is true and what is of the Almighty.
Chris says
Your words are truth. God is merciful but the standard does not change otherwise it would have been easier to change the standard rather than for Christ to die. D & J exhibited the purest form of male bonding that God wants for us; at the time J loved David mire purely than the women who were in David’s life.
Kaleaf Wiggins says
Well worded brother