Parenting with Joy

Introduction
1 John 1 says that it was written so that our joy could be full, and it describes that joy as being bound up with fellowship with God and one another. We have this fullness of joy when we walk in the light with God and one another. This is true for all of life, and therefore it is especially true for parenting. The joy of parenting is parenting in fellowship with God and our family. Parenting with joy means parenting in the light. 

Confession & Forgiveness
But we are sinners, and all sin is darkness. Therefore, our sinful darkness interrupts the light and the joy in our families and in our parenting. This is why the only way to walk in the light is by the blood of Jesus cleansing us from all sin: “If we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin” (1 Jn. 1:7). We apply the blood of Jesus by confessing our sins: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9). This is how we get back into the light, back into the fellowship, and back into the joy.

There are numerous challenges that every family faces, but unconfessed sin makes everything worse and forgiveness makes everything more bearable. In Psalm 32, it is David’s refusal to confess his sins that makes his bones ache all day long; it turns everything into the drought of summer (Ps. 32). And Psalm 32 says that it is God’s hand that is heavy upon His saints when they refuse to confess their sins. On top of all of that, unconfessed sin means the devil has hooks in you: the power of the Devil is in the fear of death and the wages of sin is death (Heb. 2). But if you belong to Christ, He will not let you have any joy until you get clean (Ps. 32, 51). Sometimes this happens with overt sins (e.g. lies, cheating, adultery, porn, etc.); but sometimes this is related to low-grade fever attitudes: envy, greed, bitterness, discontent — which are just as sinful and just as joy-destroying.

So the way back into the joy of the Lord, the way back into fellowship, back into the light is through confession of our sins, both to God and to those we have sinned against. The rule of thumb is that our confession should generally be as public as the sin. If you only sinned in your heart, you should confess to God and repent in your heart, but if that bad attitude or snarl came out in any way, you should confess to God and anyone you sinned against. If you sinned on the internet, your confession should be on the internet. If you sinned at the dinner table, your confession should be at the dinner table, or at least to everyone who was at the dinner table.

If you are on the receiving end of an apology, remember that forgiveness is a promise, not a feeling. God requires that we forgive others as He has forgiven us, which is freely and 70×7. How much have you have been forgiven for? You can’t count that high. So forgive like that. At the same time, forgiveness is not the same as trust. When sin has occurred, sometimes trust must be rebuilt over time. Forgiveness means you do not hold it against them. No grudges. No bitterness. You can come to the Lord’s Table in true Christian fellowship.

Conclusion
In general, whatever you have in your marriage is what is multiplied with children. Children are multipliers. If you have sweet fellowship with your spouse, you are likely to see that multiplied with your children. If there is static or resentment, that will be multiplied. So if things are pretty bumpy with the kids, start by checking on your relationship with your spouse. 

Keep short accounts in every direction. Don’t allow any backlog of sin to build up in your marriage or your family. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Either deal with sin in love or cover the sin in love, but don’t allow sin to fester in your heart. 

The difference between a clean house and a messy house is that in one house they pick up. You can have two houses that are exactly the same footprint, with the same size family living in them, same number of kids, and one can look like a bomb went off and the other can look neat and tidy. The difference is that in the tidy house, they pick up. They do the dishes. They take our the garbage.

Don’t be shocked by messes. We are Christians. We know what to do about sin. Take the garbage out. Get good at cleaning up. Get good at making things right. We are Christians. We have the blood of Christ, and it cleanses us from all unrighteousness as we confess our sins. And that is how you can parent with great joy.

Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash