Practical Christianity 8
Prayer: Father, we know that one of the greatest tasks You have placed before us is being fruitful and raising faithful children. And we know the Enemy seeks to destroy your godly seed. So send Your Spirit now to bless this Word so that it may bear much fruit in the families here so that Your mercy may extend to a thousand generations. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Introduction
Think of the task of parenting like teaching a child how to ride a bike: When children are very young (0-5), you must do everything for them; in the middle years (6-11), they are beginning to make some choices with lots of guidance and correction; and in the later years (12-17), they are beginning to act independently, with the goal of sometime in late high school telling your child that they are free to do as they please in Christ.
The Text: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6)
Summary of the Text
The central principle here is that training has a trajectory. We often say practice makes perfect, but it’s also true to say that practice tends to make permanent. What you practice with your children will become habitual. Literally, the text says to “narrow” a child or if we think of Psalm 127’s picture of children as arrows, we might say “make straight” or “sharpen.” We are to do this shaping and sharpening particularly at the “mouth of his path.” We speak of the “mouth of a river” as the beginning or source, so this is emphasizing the early years of childhood as being particularly significant. And the goal is not merely adulthood but even faithfulness in old age. An older minister once said that parents get their report card when their grandchildren are walking with the Lord and thriving. But this goes further, suggesting that we are aiming for when they are grandparents, which would be to see your great-grandkids walking with the Lord.
When They Are Young
When children are very young, faithful parenting means running a benevolent totalitarian dictatorship. You are teaching them initially simply what it means to be human. This will not crush their personalities; it will give them the raw material to develop their gifts and personalities. During these years, the fundamental instruction that God gives to children is to obey (Eph. 6:1). Obedience is right away, all the way, and cheerfully. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Incomplete obedience is disobedience. Fussing, stomping, eye-rolling, back-chatting obedience is disobedience. The reason for this is because God requires all of us to obey Him right away, all the way, and cheerfully.
During these years, spanking is most prevalent. Despite all the claims that spanking only teaches children to hit, Scripture says that “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Prov. 22:15). Sometimes parents wish there was some way to get to the soul of a child, and the Bible says, “If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol” (Prov. 23:14). Spanking should be calm, judicious, and include full restoration of fellowship. Remember too that spanking is really only effective as a tool of restoring joy and fellowship – which means that you must have a baseline of joy and fellowship.
The Elementary Years
During the elementary years, children are beginning to have thoughts and opinions, but they still need a lot of coaching. In fact, think about good parenting as good coaching. These people just arrived here a few years ago, and they don’t know hardly anything. Good coaches must explain and practice, explain and drill, over and over (and over). This means that parents must prepare their children for the challenges they will face, like getting ready for the game. Many parents, fathers in particular, provoke their children to wrath by not preparing them for what they will face (Eph. 6:4). What can your children expect at school? What about birthday parties? Shopping? Church? Many times the failures of children are actually report cards for parents.
So practice obedience regularly. Talk through what it might look like to have guests over for dinner. Practice for church. Practice for birthday parties. Practice cheerful, immediate obedience. Play obedience games. Give opportunities for “do-overs.” Practice makes perfect and permanent. Jesus frequently promises rewards for obedience. There is no reason why parents cannot do the same. You shouldn’t be constantly bribing or threatening, but it’s fine to make obedience fun and rewarding.
Like good coaches, remember that encouragement and praise is potent, especially when dads do it. When God showed up at the baptism of Jesus, the example He gave us was His beaming pleasure, “This is my son in whom I am well pleased” (Mt. 3:17). Say it out loud; say it often: “I love you.” “I’m proud of you.” “You are beautiful/handsome.” As well as many hugs. And in this context teach and praise the glories of masculinity and femininity.
The High School Years
As children transition into high school years, they really are beginning to practice adulthood. They are away from home more often with sports or school or jobs or friends. They still need your guidance, but they also need your respect and honor. Many parents talk to their teenagers in ways that they would never speak to another adult, maybe not even how you would speak to a teenager from another family. While children must still be submissive to their parents, the goal of parenting during these years ought to be fellowship, friendship, and building deep loyalty and trust.
While all media and entertainment and technology must be carefully limited and monitored when children are younger, during these years, there should be some careful practice with use of phones, social media, etc. They will be launching into the real world shortly and need to learn how to be wise with these tools. Use of monitoring software, time limits, filters, and so on can be very helpful for parents and older teens.
The goal is to be able to tell your son or daughter in late high school that they are free to do as they please in Christ. You want to let go of the bike and let them take a few turns in your driveway before they head out into the world.
Conclusion
The goal of Christian parenting is not merely that our children would survive. Our goal is that our children would thrive. We do not merely want to protect our children from bad influence; we want our children to be dangerous to unbelief and darkness. We want non-Christian neighbors concerned about the Christian influence of our kids on theirs.
No parents have ever done this perfectly, and all of this is only possible by the grace of God. That grace begins with repentance for sins. And there’s nothing quite so potent as parents who repent to and in front of their kids. When you repent, you prove that this is not fundamentally about you or your authority; rather, it is about Christ and His authority.
Finally, remember that God’s grace always meets us where we are instead of where we should have been. That’s why it’s grace. And if you’re in a place with your kids where it’s been kind of bumpy or gnarly, start over now. Grace is God’s gift of starting over. His mercies are new every morning because Christ died and rose again to make all things new.
Prayer: Lord, please meet each one of us exactly where we are and do not let us be distracted by where we should have been or where others around us seem to be. Meet us and encourage us and give us the wisdom to know exactly what we need to do now. And we ask for this in Jesus’ name, who taught us to pray…
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