10.25.13
For J.D.S.
One glimpse is all it takes, one moment: my breath
In the icy air, one beat of one heart would be enough
To blind, suffocate, arrest. The infinite rushing, crushing
The finite. The universe coming down on my head.
How does my body not crumple like a can?
It is enough to be, to have been, to taste the wind caught
In our teeth, dragging the world into our lungs
And release. Do the math: intoxicating, lethal joy.
I’ve seen a child born, witnessed a symphony, and you can’t count
That high, to that infinity, this weight I’m heaving with.
I can barely breathe: A candle flickering in a hurricane somehow.
And when this goes out, when the infinite overwhelms,
When the dark blade rips our chests open, pain pitching up and down,
Slapping our faces, I will laugh because it was always impossible,
Always too much to bear: pressed down, shaken together, running over.
Some never see the light. Some barely know they are.
All disintegrate, broken by this battering ram, mercies upon mercies.
I’ve buried little bodies, cast my bread upon the waters,
Each a winning lottery ticket: to have been, to have been given.
One beat is enough to know, to be known, to be crushed and yet live.
Bobbi Martens says
This is beautiful and hard and sharp, and I continue to pray for you and Jenny.
Derek says
I’m not sure of the circumstances for this poem. If they do point to the loss of a child, then the mere fact that you can write, express so beautifully in the midst of incalculable pain, points to the greatness and wonder of our God. Whatever the circumstances, this has ministered to me greatly and set me aright. Very grateful. My prayers are with you.
Melissa Joy says
Written like a true modern-day Samuel Rutherford.
Very cutting.
We too continue to rejoice with Justice and pray for your family in grief.
Kirk Downey says
What will we do when trials come our way? Your book on Job has spoken so deeply to me. I found myself, more or less, acting as one of Jobs “would be friends,” a while back towards someone who was rightly defending Job! Shame on me. Scripture does speak of a friend who sticketh closer than a brother……. may He comfort you & your wife!!