A man is required by God to disconnect his feelings from his duty. This is not because a man doesn’t have them. A good man is not cold and heartless. But a good man represents Jesus rightly by bearing his own feelings as well as the feelings of others, specifically those people entrusted to his care. The man who dumps his feelings whether in an emotional puddle or in an outburst of anger is misrepresenting Christ. But a Christian man bears them patiently, cheerfully because He knows the gospel. He knows that he has an older brother named Jesus who has borne it all.
This is not stoicism or apathy. Rightly understood, this is just faithful obedience to our Lord. Feelings are not holy. They have no automatic rightful place in the world. Feelings may be as sinful as thoughts and actions and words. You have no innate right to your feelings. And they are not exactly the same thing as the pain you feel when you stub your toe. Of course there’s the “ouch” factor, but hurt feelings may be completely disobedient to Jesus. Anger may be in complete rebellion to Jesus. There is a time to mourn; there is a time for rejoicing.
The central command to men is specifically to imitate Christ: take responsibility, give yourself up, and graciously, firmly put things right. Giving yourself up is the hardest part, and I suggest that it often means killing your feelings. You have no feelings: all you have is Christ. You love God with all you are. You have the fruits of His Spirit. What else is there? Most of what’s left is that craven, sickly demon called “self” that longs to be served, honored, fed, and worshipped. And to Hell with that.
And just to be clear: this should in no way be taken as an exhortation to be cold, distant, or unsympathetic with others. But just the opposite in fact. By killing your own feelings, you actually open yourself up to be sympathetic, gracious, cheerful, and compassionate to those in need. But this takes a firm, resolved commitment to do your duty, to do what is right, to give yourself up.
Melissa Dow says
Would you make any distinctions or differences if you were applying this to women? Could you just say “The central command to christians is specifically to imitate Christ”?
MF says
If I read you right, you’re saying, kill your (sinful) feelings — just like one should kill sinful reasoning, imagining, willing, etc. Feelings (or affections, in the old manner of speaking) are a God-given and good part of our make-up. We certainly don’t want to kill them altogether.
As Frame says:
But Scripture does not warrant “the primacy of the intellect.” For one thing, Scripture does not even distinguish between intellect, will, and emotions, as distinct “faculties” of the mind. It talks about our thoughts, our decisions, and our feelings, but it never presents these as the products of three competing organs. Therefore, it never exhorts us to bring our decisions and feelings into conformity with the intellect.
For another thing, Scripture teaches that we are totally depraved, and that includes our intellectual, as well as our volitional and emotional aspects. Yes, our feelings sometimes lead us into sin, but the same is true of our intellects. If we seek to remedy our emotionalism by bringing our emotions into line with depraved intellectual concepts, there is no net gain.
Similarly, Scripture teaches that God’s grace saves us as whole persons. Our thinking, acting, and feeling are all changed by regeneration. God’s grace leads us to seek conformity with God’s Word. The important thing is not to bring the emotions into line with the intellect, but to bring both emotions and intellect into line with God’s Word.
Matthew Petersen says
Two other comments (related to Melissa’s comment):
First, I’m not sure that killing our emotions is helpful, since they won’t die, but they may kill us. An exhortation, for instance, to ignore the pain in physically helping others by carrying their heavy furniture may result in broken furniture when muscles fail. Similarly here, an exhortation to simply kill feelings may result in serious damage when we are pushed too far, and break.
But second, and in a sense, more seriously, you seem to be missing a fundamental aspect of the Incarnation. Not only did the husband of Israel humble himself and allow his Bride to carry his burdens, he humbled himself and allowed his Bride to carry Him. And then, allowed his Bride to serve Him by, for instance, wiping his ass when he pooped Himself. If we are called to love our wives like Israel’s husband loved Israel, this vulnerability before the wife, and opening oneself up to receive gifts from the wife is also commanded. And so, in a very real sense, your recent exhortations are exhortations to be unlike Israel’s husband, and His love for His Bride.