“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear” (1 Pet. 3:1-2).
There’s plenty in this text to offend everyone, and if we zoom out just a little, we can find even more. But there’s something incredibly glorious here: this is God’s way of changing the world. God has determined to change the world through obedient death and resurrection.
If we zoom out, we see that just prior to these verses, Scripture exhorts slaves to be subject to their masters, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the crooked and unjust, including suffering unjust beatings patiently. And Scripture says that this is what we are called to: imitating Christ who suffered for us, leaving us an example, who did not return cursing for cursing, but committed Himself to God who judges justly, bearing our sins in His body on the tree, by whose stripes we are healed and reconciled to God (1 Pet. 2:21-25).
And then Scripture says, “Likewise, wives…” and all our modern sensibilities erupt with alarms and sirens. Is the Bible describing wives as slaves? Is the Bible condoning wives suffering under abusive husbands? And our answer has to be, yes, the Bible is pointing to some similarities between those situations, but no, the whole point is to give slaves and wives tactics of resistance. Peter is not saying it is OK for slaves to suffer unjustly or for wives to have husbands who are disobedient to the word. Fundamentally, the “likewise,” is like Christ, who endured injustice in obedience to God in order to destroy the power of sin, which is the power of all oppression and injustice and tyranny.
Now, this might seem like a rather pessimistic note for happy occasion like this, but we know that we are in a great war. This has been the case since our first parents sinned: there has been enmity and animosity between the seed of the woman and the seed of the serpent since the beginning, all the way down to Christ and down to the present. By God’s grace, Christianity permeated the West for many centuries, and the seed of the serpent hates that and has arrayed all his forces against our heritage. This means that anymore, marriage is an act of war. For a masculine, god-fearing man and a feminine, god-fearing woman to stand in a Christian church and exchange vows to the death before God and witnesses, seeking the blessing of children and grandchildren who will do the same, this is to join the fray.
Our enemies hate men and women, male and female because it proclaims the image and glory of God, and they hate marriage because it proclaims the glory of Christ our Savior and His Bride the Church. They hate all fruitfulness and the gift of children because it proclaims the glory of the Spirit, God’s creation and His new creation in which we have been born again. And this means that our enemy is prowling both outside of all God’s people and inside, looking for a place to attack and devour.
On the one hand, you may be attacked on the outside, by those who hate Christ: you may be insulted, canceled, fired, lied about, maybe even harmed because of Christ, and so the exhortation is to fight that injustice by being obedient to God. Imitate Christ by obeying God, looking to Him who judges justly to vindicate you, to show you the way of escape. And on the other hand, you may be attacked on the inside: your own flesh may rise up from time to time, and you will sin against God and one another, being disobedient to the Word. And here are your marching orders. In that moment, do not return evil for evil, disobedience for disobedience. In that moment, resist evil by doing good, by being obedient, by confessing sin and forgiving one another.
Obedience is not passive. Obedience is not apathetic. Obedience is not lying down and taking it. Obedience is active, militant, and aggressive. Sometimes obedience does mean suffering for a little while waiting for God’s deliverance. Sometimes obedience means firm and loving confrontation. Sometimes obedience means cheerfully covering sin in love. Sometimes Paul escaped down a wall in a basket, and sometimes Paul allowed himself to be arrested. Sometimes Jesus, walked away from a mob untouched, and one time He was arrested. By faithful obedience Gideon led armies to defeat God’s enemies, and by faithful obedience, Stephen was stoned to death. The key is to be obedient to Jesus. Obedience is the cross we are assigned to, and if we take up that cross, we may be completely confident that God who judges justly will raise us up and vindicate us and make the world a better place.
So my charge to you, Hans, is to love your wife like this, like Christ who loved His bride well and laid is life down for her. This doesn’t mean doing whatever she wants; it means doing whatever she needs to become holy and pure. A few verses down there is another “likewise” for husbands, to imitate Christ, and it specifically instructs you to dwell with your wife in an understanding way. Men like to think that they already understand most things or we can figure them out on our own. But here is one place where God says plainly that you don’t and so you must study your wife carefully. Do no despise her weakness, but rather honor it, and look up to her, honor her as a co-heir of the grace of life. She is your queen, and as you bow to her, God will establish you as her lord and king.
Faith, my charge to you is to submit yourself to your own husband as to the Lord, and do this with all loveliness. In our text it says that your goal ought to be to win your husband to greater and greater obedience without a word. This doesn’t mean you don’t speak to him about anything, but it does mean that you must first seek the attention of the Lord. When you adorn yourself and your life and your home with grace and peace, and your heart is gentle and quiet before the Lord, even when you might be concerned about something, this is precious in the sight of the Lord. And the One who always judges justly, He will rise up for you, and He will put things right in ways that are far better than if you had simply tried to do it all by yourself.
Obedience is what changes the world. And Christ is the only perfectly obedient one. But by His obedience, He has opened the way so that by faith, we may follow Him. Obedience is always a kind of death, but we are following the One who knows the way out of the grave. And this is how God changes the world. This is how God is making everything new.
In the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.
Photo by David Vilches on Unsplash
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