“For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; and that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures” (1 Cor. 15:3-4).
This gospel is essential for Christian marriage. It’s of course true that non-Christians can and do get married. Marriage is a natural institution, established by God at creation, and so atheists and Hindus can be married. But because of sin, marriage is naturally harder and more difficult. When Adam and Eve first sinned, God promised that there would now be enmity in the world, and to the woman He said, “thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” What was intended by God to be a harmonious relationship between husband and wife, because of sin, became significantly more challenging, not to mention the greater difficulties in work, sickness, pain, and ultimately death itself.
So while non-Christians can be married, there are certain inherent difficulties that they will face. And I want to underline one of them here, and that is the difficulty of forgiveness. I know that many non-Christians try to forgive and they would even say they believe in forgiveness, but apart from faith in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, they cannot really forgive. I know that’s a pretty extreme claim. So let me explain.
Sin is not just a mistake. Sin is not just accidentally bumping into someone. The Bible teaches that sin is brazen disobedience. Sin is inexcusable. Sin is doing evil to someone else. And if you think about it, you can’t really ever undo sin. You can’t really put it back. How do you calculate the hurt of lies? How do you calculate the pain of adultery? How do you calculate the damage done by certain biting and malicious words? Everyone has sinned. Everyone has said and done evil things to others. When you ask for forgiveness, what are you asking for? The best non-Christian answer is something like not holding it against them, letting it go. But on what basis? Maybe because you know you’ve done bad things too? You would want them to do the same thing for you?
But the pain and damage of sin builds up, and eventually it will be too much to bear. The Bible says that sin is the kind of damage that requires death. The wages of sin is death. When His disciples asked Him how many times we should forgive, Jesus said seventy times seven, and His disciples about fell over. How is that possible? The answer is the gospel. Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures. Christian forgiveness is not merely letting sin go. When a Christian asks for forgiveness, he is saying please forgive me for the sake of Christ. Christian forgiveness is not us absolving one another of sin. No, sin is inexcusable. None of us can make up for sin. The harm and damage is done.
So this is why Christ died. Christ died in our place so that we could be forgiven before God and so that we could forgive others. In a marriage or family, sin will happen, just like messes happen. I know it’s hard to imagine, but there will be dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and trash to take out in the Oland house. So the only question is whether you will deal with it or not, and the only way to deal with sin is by the blood of Christ.
In 1 Jn. 1:7 it says, “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.” How do we have fellowship with one another? By walking in the light. The problem is that none us walk in the light naturally. Sin is darkness, and every one of us has a darkness problem. The next verse says, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” If you say you’re full of light and you have not darkness, you’re a liar.
So how can sinners walk in the light? The blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin. So how do we get that blood on our hearts and hands. How can we get clean and walk in the light? The next verse tells us: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn. 1:9). None of us can cleanse ourselves or cleanse anyone else, but Jesus Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures. He died and paid the infinite cost for the infinite damage of our sins. What we could never pay for; Christ paid in full.
So what we do is confess our sins: we acknowledge them to God and anyone we have sinned against, and God forgives us and cleanses us from all unrighteousness for the sake of Christ. So this is the basis of Christian fellowship: we walk in the light as we confess our sins and receive God’s forgiveness and ask one another to agree that Christ has paid for it. This is the basis of our asking forgiveness, and this the basis of our extending forgiveness. We forgive those who have sinned against us because Christ has paid the cost. So this is why I say apart from faith in Jesus Christ, you cannot really forgive. On what basis can you honestly say that the someone is cleansed of their sins? “What can wash away my sin? Nothing but the blood of Jesus.”
So Trent, the charge to you is to lead your new household in this gospel of forgiveness. You must do this first of all by confessing all your sins to God regularly, so that you are walking in the light and have fellowship with God. Then you will be in a position to lead your wife in the same light and the same fellowship. You are required by God to love your wife like Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. Cleansing your wife with the water of the word means teaching, encouraging, and correcting your wife according to God’s word. But Jesus says, how can you remove the speck from your wife’s eye while there is a log in your own eye. This doesn’t mean you have a free pass. This means you must get the logs out of your own eyes regularly, so that you can see clearly to assist your wife.
Nora, the charge to you is to submit to your own husband in the grace of this gospel of forgiveness. We live in a world that has coddled women for far too long, and really done a great disservice to women by not addressing their particular sins. So the charge is for you to walk in this light, by confessing your own sins to God and maintaining a clean heart before Him so that you will remain in fellowship with God and be in a position to bless your husband greatly as he leads you in this fellowship. The Scriptures say that you are to submit to your own husband as the Church submits to Christ. And of course the irony is that your husband is not perfect like Christ, and so the great temptation will be to point that out from time to time. But Scripture says your best bet is to simply adorn the gospel with your way of life. How can you do that when you are being asked to submit to a fallible man? By being tender-hearted and forgiving him just as God in Christ has forgiven you.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.
Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash
Leave a Reply