Mt. 19:3-9
Prayer: Father, we know that there is great turmoil in our land particularly on this subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, and so we ask Your Holy Spirit to come now and apply Your life-giving word to our lives so that we might see clearly, understand rightly, and obey You in all things. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Introduction
We live in the ruins of a great civilization that was built in many ways by faithful men and women, who kept their marriage vows. Nevertheless in fallen world, sin will wreak havoc, and we need to know what to do when sin happens. The fundamental duty is confession of sin and forgiveness in the gospel, but marriage is a public covenant and therefore sometimes there are public ramifications for certain sins.
The Text: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?…” (Mt. 19:3-9)
Summary of the Text
The Pharisees were not honest inquirers, and they tried to draw Jesus into a trap by asking Him about a long stand controversy in Judaism, over whether Dt. 24:1 taught that men could divorce their wives for “any cause” as well as “sexual immorality” (Mt. 19:3). Jesus responded by going back to the creation of marriage, grounded in the creation of man and woman in the image of God, and the way God makes two into one (Mt. 19:4-6). Still wanting to quarrel over the law, the Pharisees pressed Jesus on Dt. 24, and Jesus said that the law allowed for divorce because of the “hardness of your hearts.” But He insisted that the law was only ever intended to allow for divorce for sexual immorality – other causes turn remarriage into adultery (Mt. 19:7-9).
Overview of Divorce & Remarriage
The Bible teaches that marriage is a human covenant that God established at creation (Gen. 2, Mal. 2:14). But like other human covenants (e.g. civil covenants), it is a covenant that can be broken, but when it is broken, unlike a mere contract, it is always violent (Mal. 2:16). Sometimes it is allowed or even necessary, but it is always painful and traumatic.
The Bible gives two basic grounds for divorce and remarriage, with a couple of subcategories. Those two categories are sexual immorality and desertion (WCF XXIV. 5, 6). Jesus speaks very clearly to the ground of sexual immorality, and that was the original ground that Moses allowed (Dt. 24:1). This can apply to undisclosed sexual immorality from before a marriage or overt adultery during the marriage, which can include persistent and unrepentant pornography (Mt. 5:28).
As for desertion, in Ex. 21:10-11, the law limited polygamy by allowing that if a man took a second wife and did not provide food, clothing, and marriage rights for the first wife she was free to go. Likewise, in Eph. 5:28-29, it says that a man must care for his wife as his own body, which includes food and clothing at bare minimum. So the argument is that if a man willfully deserts his wife or utterly refuses to fulfill his covenant obligations, it may amount to desertion. Sexual refusal of a wife could amount to the same thing (1 Cor. 7:3-5).
In 1 Cor. 7:10-11, allowance is made for separation without remarriage. This seems to have been what Jesus meant when He said that Moses allowed for divorce because of the “hardness of hearts.” In that case, Jesus made it clear that if someone in that circumstance proceed to remarry someone else, they would be committing adultery (Mt. 19:9). When that happens, a new covenant has been formed (even if illicitly), and while the sin should be confessed, the new marriage should be honored – a spouse should not divorce and return to the previous spouse (Dt. 24:3-4).
When a believer is married to an unbeliever, Scripture encourages the believer to remain married in order to be a godly influence on the unbelieving spouse and any children (1 Cor. 7:12-16). But if the unbeliever is not pleased to dwell with the believing spouse, the believer may let the unbelieving spouse depart, and the believer is not under bondage to that marriage and may remarry (1 Cor. 7:15). Of course if a spouse dies, the marriage covenant is also dissolved, and the living spouse is free to remarry in the Lord (1 Cor. 7:39).
Studying Arguments
The Westminster Confession wisely notes that “the corruption of man… is apt to study arguments unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage…” And it adds that when it comes to these things “the persons concerned in it [should] not [be] left to their own wills, and discretion…”
From all of this, we can see that divorce and remarriage have been topics fraught with corruption from the beginning. After sin entered the world, sin introduced rivalry between the first man and his wife: “thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Gen. 3:16). What was intended by God to be an ordered relationship of immense blessing is frequently twisted by sin into less than the glory it was designed for. And sinful men and women are “apt to study arguments” whether scheming to break covenant and commit adultery or at the very least to merely justify their various causes and blame one another (cf. Gen. 3:12).
In our day, we have the mess of pornography, sexual perversions, no-fault divorce, and the great heresy of feminism. Broadly speaking, western men made a deal with the devil and took the offer of free and easy sex in exchange for women running everything (leaving neither men nor women happy), creating what some have called the “longhouse” effect, turning many of our cultural institutions feminine.
God create women to be naturally far more concerned about relationships; and God created men to be naturally far more concerned about accomplishing a mission. These are glorious tendencies and gifts in their rightful places, but for example when judges are more concerned about sympathizing with criminals than executing strict justice, crime and violence spread (Dt. 19:13, 21, Eccl. 8:11). When churches are more concerned about unity than truth, heresy and immorality infect the congregation (Jude 3-4, 2 Tim. 3:1-9).
Conclusions
In the face of all our arguments, Jesus points us to God’s creation order, which points us to Christ, the perfect husband (Eph. 5). While we are naturally much like the Pharisees trying to trick the answers we want out of Scripture, Jesus refuses to let us off the point: God created us for something better. Male and female is glory. And while we have all sinned and fallen short of that glory, Christ came to restore that glory. While fornicators, adulterers, effeminate men, and sodomites will not inherit the Kingdom of God, such were some of you, and Christ came to wash you clean and justify you by His Spirit (1 Cor. 6:9-11).
The only way out of this mess is through this gospel, but it cannot be a gospel that is merely thought in your head or warms your heart. It must be a gospel that comes out of your fingertips. It must be gospel obeyed in every area of life (cf. Rom. 10:16, 2 Thess. 1:8). How is the gospel obeyed? It is obeyed by faith, but this is not a dead faith – it is a living faith, a faith that works by love (Gal. 5:6). And what does it do? It gives men power to imitate the love of Christ who laid His life down for His bride, suffering for sins He did not commit in order to make her lovely. And it gives women power to imitate the glory of the church, who submits to Christ in everything.
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